In the Hei Hei days


Watch this!

Hei Hei was a big  part of my move to Florida. He represented how I think we all feel about life sometimes when it gets overwhelming and upside down and scary. When we are thrown into the unfamiliar, uncomfortable and unexpected.

I mean really, Hei Hei became the poster child for us when we would start to feel the “meltdown freak outs” of ” are we really doing this?”  I even taped a picture of him to my “Moving to Florida” journal.

And would you believe, we still refer to  Hei Hei when referring to change on the horizon?

We were moving from everything we had ever known to someplace where we knew absolutely no one and would be starting over completely.


It was a leap of faith –  we had felt God call us a full year before it was time to move and we were terrified, but we trusted God . We left without jobs and barely found a place to live before arriving to our new life but just as He has always promised, He was right there with us and gently ( and sometimes not so gently) guiding us along the way.

Fast forward to almost two years later and once again we are in a Hei Hei season. Ha! As a matter of fact, just last night my hubby had exclaimed “Honey, this feels like a Cat 5 Hei Hei!” I am not quite there (truth be told, it depends on the minute) but overwhelmed none-the-less. I have struggled in my thoughts and have had to be mindful of reminding myself to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus, that just like when we left everything behind in Texas, Jesus was right there along side of us, keeping us on track, even when it didn’t always feel like it.

2 Corinthians 12:9-11 is a verse I have clung to often in the ups and downs of life, and really sums up a rather poignant way we can grow and bear fruit in our faith.

And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for POWER is perfected in weakness. ” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may  dwell in me. Therefore, I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake, for when I am weak, then I am strong.”

It doesn’t feel good – the weakness, the insults, the distresses, but I have noticed on my own path, that in my focus on my weakness and His strength, it somehow softens the blows that this world can bring – almost like I am in a bubble and it buffers the full sting of whatever may be hitting the fan at the time and yet refines the work that He is doing in me. It still doesn’t feel particularly great, but there is comfort in knowing that you are not in this world alone and that God can use it for your benefit and His glory.

A dear friend of mine recently took to attracting caterpillars and butterflies and giving them a place to turn into their magical selves and I loved living vicariously through her experiences! And to hear the joy of her recalling how they spent the morning watching this amazing creation happen!  It reminded me that we are so much like the caterpillars in this world, being pruned and refined and restored  and changed to be all that God has created us to be….made new.


The Hei Hei days can really get me down sometimes.  Despite that,  I have noticed that they are also laced with great nuggets of joy that God plants along our path to encourage us and remind us of his Greatness and his perfect, never changing love. I am ever so grateful that I am a daughter of a king that likes to remind me of that! The Hei Hei days keep us more reliant on our Father, and remind us that He has us and our best in mind.  We may not always understand it, or why it happens the way it does but ultimately we can find blessings in our Hei Hei days.

I love that we have a Father that will scoop us up into his arms in our Hei Hei moments, and patiently, gently, remind us that He has us in the palm of His hand and love us and will be with us and that He will bless us – we just gotta keep looking to Him.

On a particularly bad day recently, I followed the breadcrumbs He left me through Facebook of all things, and this song found me. He so often speaks to me in music and this was exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you Father for putting up with my Hei Hei and using it to bless me despite myself. Your love never ceases to amaze me. Selah





He Restores


“He Restores my soul.” Psalms 23:3

Have you ever refurbished a piece of furniture? I think everyone should do it at least once. It’s not a quick process ( well, at least it wasn’t for me) and takes patience. Especially if it’s an older piece.

When I was starting out and got my first apartment, In the search for cheap  vintage furniture for my new space, I found this wonderful thick, oak, rustic coffee table at a second-hand store. It needed some love, but it was meant to be mine. Mind you, the table remained in a state of “needing love” for some time before I brought it back to it’s former glory. I was working full time and going to college, so spare time was a rarity.

I finally had a moment to catch my breathe during Christmas break and since I was living in an apartment, I didn’t exactly have a space to make noise sanding or enough ventilation to strip the many layers of stain, paint and epoxy off of the table, so  I loaded the table in the back of my little Toyota and headed off to my parents place in the country. I set up shop in their little shed, opened the windows wide and went to work. It was cold and snowing and I remember that I would work at it until my hands were so cold they would not cooperate  and then I would go back into the warm house where mom always had a cup of hot tea  waiting for me. When I got to the legs of the table, I had to do a lot of hand sanding- the sander was too big to fit into all of the nooks and crannies of the grooves and I would get impatient and distracted, but I was determined that I would go home with that table finished. It took me the better half of three days to complete my project but I did it and I was proud of my handiwork. The wood had been  smoothed out and restored and I could truly appreciate all of the grooves and markings that made it unique.

Our heavenly Father seeks to do the same for us, to restore us. It was never promised that this world would be easy. John 16:33 tells us that we will have trouble, but  also that He, Jesus, has overcome the world. Our Father loves us so very much and He wants us to know a life abundant. He is a God that knows each and every one of us intimately –  He was there when we were created and knows our every thought, our every tear, our every hope and dream(Psalms 139). Sometimes it is difficult to see that when we are in the midst of losing a job, losing our health, losing a spouse or a child, falling into addiction, becoming immersed in things of the world, that HE….is still there right beside us and that HE can use all things for our good and that HE can restore us completely. Now, once we become aware that he can restore us and we have that hope, we have to remember that what we might envision as restoration might not be what He has in mind.   I know that  for myself, after coming out of a  long, difficult season, that I have had hope for the restoration, but have been guilty of not entirely believing that it was meant for me. For others, yes,  but for me, eh….I just figured  that this was my path and I was resolved to it, but God wants to restore ALL of his children.  Joel 2:25 tells us “I will repay you for the years the swarming locusts have eaten -the great locust and the young locust, the other locust and the locust swarm.”

I liken us to the table that I refurbished… it’s not instant. It was a process and just like me sanding  and wiping away the layers of epoxy, paint and old stain, the Father is doing the same to us. His 3 days might not look like ours and it may take much longer than we anticipate but He is the great physician, our provider, our comforter, our healer and so much more. We can forget that His ways are not our ways and that He sees the big picture and knows how to bless us far more abundantly than we could ever imagine. It is often in the sanding of those hard to reach nooks and crannies, held lovingly in the hands of our Savior, that  the work He has started in us reveals a restoration of ourselves and our circumstances that leaves us revived beyond what words can touch.

Sometimes, His hands reach out to restore us in small ways, in our quiet moments outside when watching a sunset or other times,  in much more significant ways such as when we connect with a loved one that we thought we would never find that kind of connection with again.  And sometimes the restoration is is just outright miraculous. My husband had a heart attack 4 years ago that should have been fatal. There are only 12% of the population that even survive the kind of heart attack he had. Not only did my husband survive, but as of his exam this year, he has been completely healed. The cardiologist even had the actual echo-cardiogram sent to his office because he didn’t believe the report he read. God restored his heart completely!

In whatever season you are in, whether on a mountain, or in a valley, Take heart and remember that you are the daughter/son of a King that loves you as far as the east is from the west and that He is faithful to strengthen you, refresh you, and restore you!

“And the God of all grace, who calls you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.”- 1 Peter 5:10




Hodegeo – The greek word meaing to be a guide or a teacher, to give guidance to

I’ve always been a fan/not fan of the “two by four” prayer – the prayer I am afraid to pray yet feel compelled to pray if I am to be sure of what I think God is telling me. I am telling God, PLEASE, hit me right between the eyes – help me to discern what it is that your will is for me. Of course, I am a huge fan of walking in the will of God, not so much a fan of being out of control or dealing with the unknown. Despite not being a fan of the lack of control and fear factors, one of the many jewels that the Lord has planted in my heart is that as a follower of Christ, I should just settle in to being comfortably uncomfortable. If He is to be faithful to me in completing the good works He has started in me, there is going to be refinement. And refinement, well, it is defined as a natural resource that is almost in a usable form, but which is more useful in its pure form.

So, It was April fools weekend and a  precious, trusted friend had just shared a word with me from the Holy Spirit.  She  didn’t want to tell me at first, but she felt it was persistent on her heart. She told me ” It is time to go, it’s time to put your house on the market and go into a land that I will show you.”   After almost a year of praying and seeking God’s wisdom and clarity about packing up our entire lives and moving half-way across the country, His “wait” had become, “Go.”

Just like that.

I went home and shared her words with my husband, giddy and terrified. We prayed together and asked, Lord, we need another sign, just to be sure. And the next day, another friend (who didn’t know the first friend) told us basically the same thing I had heard the day before. “It’s time to go.” All of a sudden, it was all becoming very real, very fast and again, we asked God, “Lord, just one more word, to be sure we are walking in your will.” And that brings me to this sermon by  Brady Boyd. As we sat in church mere hours after  we had received word from our second friend, we  listened to his words and we felt the unmistakable nudge of the Holy Spirit, telling us, yes, it’s time, and this IS my will for you.  You will never be alone, I will be with you every step of the way. Trust me.

If ever you doubted that God wants to draw near to you, that He wants to be a part of your life and to bless it, just take the next 30 minutes and listen and I challenge you to pray the same three words that Pastor Boyd talks about. You’ll have to watch til the end to find out, but I promise, it’s worth it.


Being Still in the Midst of Messy

Being Still.

The Lord keeps taking me back to that lesson. It’s a daily struggle but I have noticed that when I do stop and be still, I hear that still small voice of God so much more clearly, and more importantly, I hear it. 

It’s so easy to get caught up in life. It can be messy, it can be painful, it can be non-stop and sometimes, just plain unbearable.

I have weathered some storms in my life and if I have learned one thing it’s that I can navigate better when I am leaning in and taking and making time to be still in the presence of Jesus.

I know…it may seem impossible but there IS a way – *Psalms 29 tells us how amazingly strong  and powerful our GOD IS. It may only be a 5 minute walk down the street, or it may be a whole day curled up on the couch with ne’er a soul to be found all day, but God will show you opportunities to check in with him to connect.   He loves us and wants the best for us and wants to spend time with us so He can help us navigate our seasons of life with seasoning. I believe that it is the moments we take to sit with Him, especially in the messy, that helps craft our spirits into the salt that we are to be in the world, because “The Lord gives strength to His people; the LORD blesses His people with peace.”

– Psalms 29:11

And it all goes back to being still. *Elijah, a major prophet, stood in the presence of God way before that ( the presence of God) was a thing on earth and experienced earthquakes, and fires and all kinds of crazy and you know what? When did God speak up?

In a whisper. A good reason to be still.

So…. I have been struggling to stay focused and have been trying to practice the very lesson that the Lord has put on my heart to share here. And today, in my attempts at “being still” time, I heard that whisper, but it was clear. I was praying about how to mange our finances and at the same time keep my working hours to part-time. The Lord had put on my heart earlier this year, that this is a year of restoration. Last year was transition, this year – restoration. A thought flitted through my head that I was on the right path currently.  It was in that moment that I asked God to tell me again, make sure I heard Him right. And technology. That was his avenue today and it was awesome. Not 30 seconds after the thought flit and the prayer, my Pandora started playing the song that was one of our first encouragements from God when He revealed that wanted us to move across the country to a place where we knew no one. AND my meditation app launched with a background of birds singing at the same time, which is also significant for me as birds were a big part of God preparing me for this adventure ( another great God story for another day). There it was –  the whisper.

My heart bursts with joy that we have a God that actively wants to engage and interact with each of us right where we are, when we are, no matter how crazy or broken we may feel, He wants his relationship with us to be personal.

Be still.

*Psalms 29

Ascribe to the LORD, you heavenly beings, ascribe to the LORD glory and strength. 

2 Ascribe to the LORD the glory due his name; worship the LORD in the splendor of his holiness. 
3 The voice of the LORD is over the waters; the God of glory thunders, the LORD thunders over the mighty waters. 
4 The voice of the LORD is powerful; the voice of the LORD is majestic. 
5 The voice of the LORD breaks the cedars; the LORD breaks in pieces the cedars of Lebanon. 
6 He makes Lebanon leap like a calf, Sirion like a young wild ox. 
7 The voice of the LORD strikes with flashes of lightning. 
8 The voice of the LORD shakes the desert; the LORD shakes the Desert of Kadesh. 
9 The voice of the LORD twists the oaksand strips the forests bare. And in his temple all cry, “Glory!” 
10 The LORD sits enthroned over the flood; the LORD is enthroned as King forever. 
11 The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace.
*1 Kings 19:11-12

11 The Lord said, ‘Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.’

Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. 12 After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper.




A Heart like Mary

A Heart Like Mary

“Peace be with you.”

“And also with your spirit.”

As I stood in the church and repeated the ritual greeting with those around me, I took in the elegance of the sanctuary; the sprays of flowers so precisely placed so that all could enjoy their beauty, the small well spaced windows above the crucifix that showed just the right amount of sky, clouds lazily drifting by giving the notion that maybe we were getting a glimpse of the heavens themselves.

I blinked back tears as I watched a father and daughter embrace the rest of their their family with anguish and tenderness. My thoughts drifted back to the day when I stood in a similar place, saying goodbye to my mother. I remembered the raw almost unbearable ache in my heart that was mixed with relief and joy that she suffered no longer. I couldn’t really reach the joy very well that day because the ache of separation overwhelmed me, but it was there – knowing that she was with Jesus and she knew no more sorrow, no more tears and that she was perfect and whole.

I knew this was also true for my dear friend Grace Ann but I still had that too familiar ache of separation and sadness.

Grace Ann reminded me of my mother and I suppose that accounts for some of my fondness for her, but Grace Ann was a force of her own nature and I loved her dearly.

I only knew her for two years, but I felt as though I had known her so much longer. I became a part of her life every week once a week, discussing our lives, all things food and what I could do to help her find some relief.  *I had the great honor of being her massage therapist and truly, I think I got the better end of the deal. She was held prisoner in her own body by a debilitating disease known as Multiple Systems Atrophy and it showed no mercy.

And yet…

she would not let it take her spirit.

I stumbled into some scripture this morning and I was especially touched by what I read. Maybe you know the moments I speak of- when you’re not really looking for anything specific in the Word and yet the Lord reveals a scripture to you that hits you a new way and speaks to your heart in a way that only the Holy Spirit can speak to.

I was reading Luke 1 ( The Message version) and about how the angle Gabriel came to speak to Mary and later how Zechariah prophesied the coming of Jesus. What struck my heart was Mary’s reply to Gabriel when he told her that her whole life was about to be turned upside down.

“I am the Lord’s maid, ready to serve.

Let it be with me just as you say.” – Luke 38 (The Message)

“ I am the Lord’s maid, ready to serve..”

That was the heart of Grace Ann. She may not have been able to control much of her body, but her spirit – she had a servant’s heart, and it was very big.

We all are all called to ministry on some level in our lives, regardless of our station or occupation, God blesses each of us with our own unique gifts that can serve His Kingdom. One of the most powerful ministries we have is in our own homes and with our families and Grace Ann was a shining example and inspiration of embracing such an important ministry, regardless of our circumstances.

Each day she was challenged by what most of us take for granted, the simple tasks of eating and drinking and being able to scratch our own noses when they itch. She was at the mercy of a body that didn’t work and yet she still found a way to be His servant. She took each day as a gift and trusted her Savior and never gave up hope that He could heal her if it was His will and yet accepted where she was with grace and dignity and courage. She prayed and believed and continued to pour her spirit out to those who God put in her path, including myself. In the midst of her daily struggles, she had always had a kind word to say and still knew how to laugh – she still found JOY and peace in spite of her circumstances.

I am IN AWE…. Her humility and bravery and grace and willingness to serve Jesus in whatever state she was in – well, she was GRACE Ann and she had a heart like Mary.

What would the world look like if we all said,

“ I am the Lord’s maid, ready to serve.”

It broke my heart to say goodbye to her, but I look forward to seeing her again in eternity.

These wise words of Zachariah have touched me in my sadness and in my own grief of losing my dear friend. May they touch you as well.

“Through the heartfelt mercies of our God,
God’s sunrise will break in upon us,

Shining on those in darkness,

Those sitting in the shadow of death,

Then showing us the way,

One foot at a time

Down the path of peace.”

Luke 1:78-79

Until we meet again dear friend….


*As a massage therapist, I take client confidentiality very seriously.  I was blessed with permission by the family to publish this piece.  My prayer is that this little slice of knowing Grace Ann will touch your heart as she has touched so many in her path.

Fireworks and a Fountain of Drool

Trust. When I look through the definitions in the dictionary, what stands out most is,        “confidence placed in a person or placing reliance on.”

Did you know that Trust is mentioned in the bible almost 150 times? I know, I know, it depends on the version of the bible as to the exact amount of times, but the point is, it mentions trust a lot!

Specifically, We are encouraged to trust in God.

“Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and do not  depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all that you do, and He will show you which path to take.”

Proverbs 3:5 (NLT)

It sounds easy enough on paper, but I think for most of us, the struggle is real in letting go and letting God run the show.  If I had to guess, I would even consider that the enemy’s use of distraction in our own insecurities derails us more often than we would care to believe. It can be so easy to get lost in our current circumstance if our focus is not on the promises of God’s peace and that He has a plan to bless us (Jeremiah 29:11)¹.

This is where the drool comes in.

Our dog Poppie is a happy dog. She is smiley and loving and confident and just brightens the room when she makes her entrance.  She is a rescue dog and I am happy to say that she has really settled in well with our family.

However, her confidence quickly faded on the eve of 4th of July as neighbors and others around us set off fireworks that were rather loud and startling. Her demeanor shifted from happy to scared and she began to fret and she became very needy and drooly. Wow, I mean someone please turn off the waterworks, I had no idea I would get such a Poppie shower.

It was only when I held her close and spoke reassuring word into her ear that she would start to relax and then wander off  until the next round of loud bangs would go off and then we would start the dance of drool and reassurances all over again. It’s moments like this when I wish she realized that I would keep her safe and that all of the crazy noise would be over soon- that is was only a short season of 4th of July madness.

I don’t know about you, but I know I have those moments of fret too. It’s when we are in the middle of fret and drool that  if we don’t have our focus, especially our trust, on the Lord  – we might just get stuck in the cycle of unnecessary too.  Unnecessary panic, unnecessary worry, unnecessary negative thought patterns. If we would just let God hold us close, trust Him and remember His words of assurance in our times of doubt and worry, we wouldn’t miss out on the peace that He wants to share with us so abundantly .

He tells us ” Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you upright with my victorious right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10 NLT)

He also tells us ” Don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow brings it’s own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” ( Matthew 6:24 NLT)

I know for most of us,  trusting and not worrying  can be one of the biggest challenges we face as believers, and yet it is such a critical element of our love relationship with God. It is a way we can show our precious Father how we love HIM because let’s remember, HE wants only the best for us. So I challenge us, let’s take that trust leap forward everyday and see how much more it blesses us- because when we experience His blessings, we can be a blessing to others.



¹”For I know the plans I have for you,  says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Greater Things

It’s month four in my new to me city, and while I am still finding my way – my direction continues to be reaffirmed in my moments of communion with God. I still haven’t made any deep connections yet but I have made connections and I believe that there are no chance encounters in life. I believe strongly that God gives us free will, and I also believe that He, whose ways are not our ways, can use any circumstance or any choice we make to serve His higher purpose.

I look at this season as a time to connect deeper with my Father, where the distractions are less in the day to day, and sometimes more than I can bear when seeing what is going on in the world around me. And yet, in my season of a slower pace, I also have found that in my opportunity to connect more deeply with my Father, it is truly a gift in that He can grow my roots more deeply in the promise that the JOY of the Lord is my strength.

I have begun attending a bible study (Experiencing God, Blackaby and King) at my church recently,  and so far, it’s been such a great re-affirmation of the importance of time spent with Him who loves us unconditionally. One of the actions of the lesson this week is to take a walk with God, to spend time purposefully seeking Him and listening for His voice. It’s purpose is to encourage us in the importance of taking time every day to HEAR what God wants us to know.  In this day and age, I see so many lost and lonely people yearning for a deep and committed connection, an acceptance for who they are  and to feel cherished and loved.  I feel the sadness of God’s heart in that so many of these lost and lonely people chose to seek  to fill their  need for connection in the worldly instead of the Godly. I feel the pain of God’s heart in that, if only they would seek Him, they would find Him and find Him abundantly. This doesn’t mean that because I seek Him that my life will be perfect. As a matter of fact, the bible tells us we will have troubles – it is an imperfect world, but He WILL be with us in our troubles and He WILL NEVER LEAVE OUR SIDE AND HE WILL BLESS US!

I feel so blessed that this lesson  of daily connection with God is not new to me, that I have experienced more times than I can count, the amazing and wonderful ways that He speaks to me. As I further this blog,  I will share some of those moments in hopes that He can use my moments to speak to you!

As I took my walk with God today, my heart was troubled by the great loss of life yesterday in the Las Vegas massacre and I had a hard time focusing. My mind wandered to a recent conversation with neighbors about a break in down the street, and then to the people of Puerto Rico and the chaos that is our country and our world today. I think most of us struggle with the crazy that is our world today, and biblically speaking, it’s only going to get worse – not a comforting thought. I had my praise music blaring and here I was troubled. I was supposed to be drawing near and it was a struggle and then..

God spoke.

It was a stirring in my heart that I have come  to recognize  as His voice and I looked up to see the wind blowing in the trees, the Spanish moss gently waving too and fro. and I stopped and I watched it for a moment and the next song came on on my Pandora playlist, not a programmed list, but random and I knew it was for me, He loves to speak to me though music- and I love that too – that He wants such an intimate moment with his daughter that He loves. I attached it below with lyrics. It was just what I needed this morning, a reassurance that He has me here for a purpose and that He will guide my steps.   Once again I was blessed by time spent with Him.

Draw near to Him and He will draw near to you.


The Lamentations Trailhead

“It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed,  because His compassions fail not.  They are new every morning:   Great is Thy faithfulness.

Lamentations 3:22-23



This is the verse that I look at every time I walk into my bathroom. This is the verse that brought me to the house that I now live in. A house that represents so much change, so much new, so much….unknown and yet so much peace and hope and wonder.


This verse that stares at me several times a day, that sometimes goes unnoticed in the  going in and  coming out as thoughts and tasks overtake me as I go about my day.


Promise that God has placed in my physical sights to remind me, to ingrain in my heart His passionate love for me.


A well placed bit of wisdom from the Master artist whom orchestrates so intricately the ebbs and flows of His communication with His children.  Wisdom that takes us closer to the anointed life that He desires for us.


This is where it all starts.

Our God is a God who wants to be involved and personal and He tells us, “Draw near to me and I will draw near to you.” James 4:8

Lets walk together shall we and see where the road leads… and don’t forget to watch for signs, because they are everywhere. All you have to do is look.